Love Letter To You

HEY GUYS,
it has been a while since I wrote something here. I was quite busy and I did not have that much of efforts to write things here. So today I guess I will make another love letter <3.
so let us start haha...

DEAR MOM,

 I don't know if this would reach you and I am sure it would not. But I hope right now there were angels who were witnessing me writing this letter just to send this message to you. It has been a while mom. I miss you so much, I really do. Back then when I am still studying, coming back home were a perfect bliss and heaven to me. your cooking, your sweet tea, your voice, the way you sat down on the table looking at us eating, you asked if your food is good or not, how you always be there in times when we were sick, how you raised us, how you saved food for us, how you always ask us if we have eaten or not...I miss all of that mom.

I remember on that day, I was otw to our rented room from the school,that Wednesday 6th of may 2015. I got a call from my cousin, saying that if I can go back home as soon as possible. I was at tawau back then. my first thought, "Is dad gone?" I was so scared, yet I knew something is wrong... then he said that YOU were acting different, that you show things that people with near dead experiences shown... I was shaking too much. I am on my way to the airport, and brother called me, saying that Mom were not that strong anymore and there were 50/50 chances she could live. I am shaking a lot more.

The moment ass soon as I reached the airport I opened the family group whatsapp. They were saying that you already gone. I was devastated. so much devastated that it broke my heart up until now. I have never felt this way before and I would not feel it again with others. Losing you was the biggest lost that I have ever felt mom. My journey on the plane was crushing. I reached home that night. Only GOD knows how much it broke me from within seeing you laying there without your soul. My mom, My mom who always scolded us, whom I always talked with, Whom raised me since I was a little boy. My Mom, My Mom is not moving anymore. at that moment I asked you, why did you leave us that early mom..

I was crying all night. everytime they wipes those blood that came out from your nose, I was crying like a little baby I was.. I remember going to the bathroom to shower, I was crying so much and started calling you just to remember the feelings when you can still talked to us...I still needed you, Dad still needed you, we still needed you. it took me a life time to live without your presence... I did not even managed to repay you for what you have done. remember we have all those plans to do after I get my job. and now you're gone. We were so much crushed. I am so much crushed up until now. This home were not home without you.. I hated it, just because it doesn't feel like home anymore.. But again, there's nothing as beautiful as Allah's plans towards His servants. He loves you more..

May we meet in Jannah Mom. You deserved it. Rest will love...

Dream Comes True

i would like to share about something happened not long a go

okay guys this might be quite long. kinda like short stories hahahah

so bare with me. this is a story of mine

so it started like this

that night we guys do what we usually do. Movies night. oh i always love movies night 

although usually i ended up sleeping in the middle of the movies hahah trolollololl

so that night we were watching the movie "Inception"

i told you guys about inception in my previous entry right ?

that movie were too good we had to watch it twice :3

so while watching that movie again my eyes kinda feels sleepy

so again i were accidentally i fallen asleep again.

this is where the magic start...

so i woke up. i saw the room and it was quite dark you know

then i looked around me and then i looked at my hand

i do this usually after waking up

reality checks right as i mention on my previous entry.

so when i look at it, i noticed something strange.

3 of my fingers were too short and 2 of em were too long.

i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw that. 

i looked it thoroughly and i noticed it started to wobbly around

only then. reality kicks in!!!

I'am dreaming and I'am awake in it!!!!

i was waiting ages for this night to come.

i felt TOO EXCITED then my surrounding started to went dark again.

i remember that we cannot get too excited or we'll end up

waking up. so i calmed myself down. started closing my eyes. saying i would not lose this fight

you see in lucid dreaming. it is actually

a fight between you and your subconcious mind. 

you must control it to win.

so back to my dream. i was too excited. then i saw my friend next to me .

evandes. i tried to wake him up .i started to shake him 

yelling

"Bando!!! kita dalam mimpi ni!!! bangunn !!!"

then i realized it was my dream and he's just a projection o my subconcious mind

he never move and never talked

just laying there like a deadman

so in that happiness i stand up. then

suddenly the door of the room open automatically 

and i saw this world.

none like ours. never seen so much beautiful scene like this

the sun shine yellow, pink, purplish altogether

they were blue birds like twitter. 

they were sakura trees everywhere.

the leaf were fallen and the wind blowing it like it were dancing with it

everythings was just too real. i can't possibly distinguish them 

from the real world i live in.

so i were running on the field

my feet does not touched the ground and i were like

floating all around like weeeeeiwww.

the first thing came out of my mind is i wanna fly !!

haha so i try it. but i just can't cuz i still fighting with my subconcious mind. 

but i still can jump 2 storeys high hahaha lol,scumbag mind

so then i forget about flying.

second is i wanna try summoning someone i knew

so i were running there and i showed my hand hoping that

that person will showed up holding it

i tried , tried and tried.

again i lose to my subconcious mind. it were just too strong

for me to handle. then again i forget about it and move on.

enjoying my dream

i were running all around jumping building to building.

when suddenly someone called my name

i didn't know them. 

and that where it ends.

i was taken by them and i started to follow their rhythm

i started to sleep in my dream again.

i lose to my subconcious mind.

from there i just follow the dream that my mind set for me

 they take me back to the room. i kinda remember seeing selvyn , alex, n bando waking up.

and i just told them what had just happen

i told them that i got my lucid dream

they were listening but not responding

at that point i no longer have control on my dream

everything was real to me. everything makes sense

i'am still dreaming but i don't realize that i were dreaming.

so that morning i wake up

one of the most happiest day of my life

~end~

500 Days Of Summer

well i think today's challenge are a girl like challenge.

i can say there are many of em but i choice

to talk about my recent one

it's kinda hard for me to answer such challenge but here goes

my choices would be this movie 

okay.

On January 8, Tom Hansen meets Summer Finn, the new assistant to his boss. Tom trained as an architect but works as a writer at a greeting card company in Los Angeles. Following a karaoke night, Tom's friend and co-worker McKenzie reveals that Tom is attracted to Summer. During the next few months Summer and Tom grow closer, despite Summer's telling Tom that she does not believe in true love, and does not want a boyfriend.
Tom shows Summer his favorite spot in the city, which overlooks a number of buildings he likes, although the view is spoiled by parking lots. After several months of dating, Tom gets into a fight with a man who flirts with Summer, and they have their first argument. On day 290, Summer and Tom end their relationship after they see The Graduate, a film which Tom thinks shows true love. Tom does not take the breakup well, and Tom's friends call his younger sister, Rachel to calm him down. Summer quits her job at the greeting card company. Tom's boss moves him to the consolations department, as his depression is not suitable for happier events. Months later, as Summer and Tom attend the wedding of their co-worker Millie, they dance at the wedding and Summer catches the bouquet. They sit next to each other on the trip home, and Summer invites Tom to a party at her apartment. He attends the party, but leaves when he sees that Summer is wearing an engagement ring. Tom enters a deep depression, only leaving his apartment for alcohol and junk food. After a few days, he returns to work with a hangover and after an emotional outburst, quits his job. He decides to rededicate himself to architecture, makes a list of firms, and begins to attend interviews.
On day 488, Summer sees Tom at his favorite spot in the city, and they talk. Tom states his lack of understanding towards her actions. Summer explains that he was right about the existence of true love and that she discovered in someone else all the feelings she had never been sure about with Tom. Summer holds Tom's hand. She says she is glad to see Tom is doing well. As she leaves Tom tells her he really hopes she is happy.
Twelve days later, on Wednesday, May 23, he attends a job interview and meets a beautiful girl who is also applying for the same job. They talk, and Tom learns she shares his favorite spot and dislike for the parking lots. Before entering the interview, he makes a date to have coffee with her afterwards. He asks her name, and she replies "Autumn". - wikipedia

why ?

obviously i can't tell you i guess. you have to watch it yourself.

it's a good movie though i recommend all of you.

and by the way i kinda like the actor and actress

the actor are one of my favorite. and the actress 

are cute though. you know that ''making me melts'' cute :3

that sort of cute i guess. well enjoy

zoey's cute btw 

p/s: you can get it from me if you want it (^_^)

music to my ears

so today's a fine day for survey-ing

so then i went to several of my girl friends. asked them

from the scale of 1 - 10 what would they rate me

like seriously

well after hearing for what they have to say.

after receiving those survey answers

i were like 

i've been melting since morning

thank you for your cooperation.

lol 

childhood dreams

Well hello there. First of all I don’t know if a guy should go blogging like this . it made me feels gay hahahah trololololl . but nevermind. Apart from Blogging I also do VBlogging. Well VBlogging are actually a way of blogging using videos. Still tryna get used to it.

Okay for today I decided to participate in today’s blog challenge that one of my friend made. Although she actually didn’t like me participating in this hahahha

Cuz I think she’s annoyed with me. She didn’t like me go through her blog too. But seriously dear. Bear with me. You know me well enough to endure me :P . so I asked them this morning what would be the topic and em said.

“childhood dream”

so i shall start now. actually i have too so many childhood dream

like seriesli. i shall go one by one. this might be a bit weird or

you maybe just wanna puke or whatsoever. but. a kid's a kid.

1. i always wanted to touch the rainbow. i always wanted to go to the end of rainbow. it's so damn pretty i thought it was made of cotton candy :3. like after every rain they will appeared suddenly out of nowhere right ? and i would stand there amazed by it. like you saw a big "gelongsor" and u just wanna ride on it. wouldn't it be awesome if we could.

2. i always wanted to have my own Pokemon. you know pokemon right ? sure you do. this is what i called my own childhood adventure. if pokemon do exist i'd be like "gotta catch em all!" . my fav pokemon is Charizard cuz you know it is powerful fire type pokemon. i trained it once in pokemon yellow. and i so love it <3 :3

3. i always wanted to have my own doraemon. just imagine if you have companion like that. you'd be like "Bitch please, i got em pocket!". it would be awesome. like a cat, can talk, have pocket with a big head and lots of awesome tools. it's like so awesome. uh i want one.

4. i always wanted to be a red rangers. i mean isn't it cool to have tights costume like that hahahha. even can do acrobats after wearing such fancy cloth. lololollllll hahhaa. everytime i play with brother and cousins, i always be fighting for that place to become a red ranger and i would always win hahahahhah. then we will be playing rangers all day long.

5. i always imagine i have a sword on my hand. and i'am fighting with imaginary samurai and ninja. i'd be like always winning those fight. although sometime this might be forever alone thingy. cuz only i can see this and everyone does not so i think i live in my dream for quite a while. 

6. last but not least. i always wanted to have a younger sister. and i always think if i have one, she would be so cute :3. atleast to me she will. and she would be my princess. i would be the king. protecting her from those insolent creatures B|

   she would be like abang kanol. saya mau tu . saya mau ni. saya mau semua. and i would be like iyaa iyaa iyaa. the main weakness to me. hahahhaa trolololll. if only my mom can gave birth to more heroin than heroes. that would be great :p

well i guess so there's this and there's that. i still think i'm living my dream. i hope i do 

well until then . adios amigos

a love letter to you

well here's another entry of mine. but today i won't talk about dream or whatsoever. i just simply wanna say something to the person i missed the most.

hei Grandma, 

   

        it's been a while :3 how are you? i hope you're fine there. sorry for not visiting you often. i only visited you once a year. i miss you, you should know that. i remember back then when i was small lil kid i used to play under your house. then suddenly out of the blue you called my name. like over and over bringing that 'kuih pisang' of yours :) . i know it's a hard life we had back there grandma. i just want you to know that your kuih are the tastiest. 

         

        i remember i would come to your house just to eat kuih pisang with you. and there we go playing together. just me, my younger brother and you :) . i don't have much friends back then . except for you granny. at school they always teased me cuz i don't have teeth and i have speech disorder due to that incident when i was four. but when with you. it's the other way around.

      then came this one day granny. it was hard you know. at kindergarten. i was playing at class and not finishing my work. so the teacher punished me and my friend. we were told to stand on top of chair outside :p.  but u know your grandson well. we played outside. played and played. running there running here. then suddenly i fallen head first to that yucky big black dustbin granny ==' euww. head first. luckily the dustbin were filled with garbage and rain water. i were saved by the rain water. hahahahha lol.

     then the teacher called us. we were asked to stand infront. they laughed at me so hard cuz when the teacher asked me what happen. i was having speech disorder at that time right. i was like "aaaaa aaaaa kuu ttttteeettterjatuh ccci cccciguhh". and i do laugh too hahahahah. it's fun. then out of the blue came my brother and cousin come to fetch me suddenly. i was a bit happy cuz i can go back early at that time. when the teacher hand me that susu sekolah again i was 'tergelincir' and i managed to do a split n they all laughed again hahahhahaa. i was such a joker granny. 

     so i follow em back to home. at first i questioned why there are so many people in our neighbourhood. even every family member were there. i change my cloth quickly and come to visit you. bringing happy news that i got back early. and i have been given three susu coklat today :) . in mind i wanna share with you.

      

     on the way there. i saw dad's crying. uncle are crying too. i wonder what happen. dad took my hand and bring me to uncle's house. in there i saw someone lying in a white cloth. i tried to push my way in that crowd. then i saw you lying there granny. i came to u. and i saw you are not moving there. dad asked me to kiss your forehead. i kiss your forehead granny. aren't u responding to me ? a smile would be nice. i was a little kid back then you know gran gran. u know i couldn't handle things. u know i still need you. you're the only granma i have. i just burst out to tears and ran outside. together with my lil bro. we cried out loud on the back of a car. we really do gran gran. you shouldn't do that you know.

      well years passed. i forgive you. you know. i'll surely visit you this hari raya granny. 

thanks for petting my head whenever i did good things. wiping out my tears whenever i'am sad. making that kuih pisang whenever i'am hungry ;p. oh i still used your electric fan in my room granny. that reminds me of you. whenever dad wanna buy me a new one. i said it's okay. yours fan is still usable, there's this one night. 2 years a go. i was sleeping. then suddenly i wake up in the middle of the night i can't move. and i just heared that fan of yours make a breathing sound like an old man breathing :O . maybe it's tired for serving me and you for third generation :p. 

    well that's it granny. i love you <3

inception

le inspiration

''Inception is a 2010 science fiction thriller written, co-produced, and directed by Christopher Nolan. The film stars a large ensemble cast that includes Leonardo DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Dileep Rao, Cillian Murphy, Tom Berenger, and Michael Caine. DiCaprio plays Dom Cobb, a thief who commits corporate espionage by infiltrating the subconscious of his targets. He is offered a chance to regain his old life as payment for a task considered to be impossible: "inception", the implantation of another person's idea into a target's subconscious.^{[6]'' - wikipedia}

^{basically this is a movie based on lucid dreaming}

^{one of my all time favorite movie}

^{astonished by the imagination created in this movie}

^{i was wondering}

^{what if this does exist}

^{what if we can plan something in someone's mind}

^{what if we can share dreams}

^{what if we can awake in dreams}

that would be like awesome

well at first i used to tell everyone to come and join me

be a lucid dreamer

most of em were like

"are you kidding me ? (=_=')"

and i was like

"i know right ?!"

sadly nobody knows how it feels to have a mind of a little boy and a young man

continuously struggling to take control of your mind